Finding out that I’m GAuDy

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As anyone who has spent time with me over the past few years knows, I’m constantly talking/thinking/reading about neurodivergence, especially the monotropic types.  It has reached the point where I’ve decided to pivot the next chapter of my professional writing to the topic of neuroqueer missiology. I have some bold assertions to make about the neuroqueerness of the sacred Kin-dom, and I’ve found a publishing house that matches my vibe and is excited about the possibility of me turning these ideas into a book.

When will you write it, and when can I get a copy?  I don’t know yet. I’m on a healing journey—which I will eventually share more about—, so I want to make sure that going forward my public writing is something that brings more fulfillment (not agonizing stress) to my life. In tandem to writing about the beauty of the neuroqueer community, I plan to speak more about it, and I welcome any opportunities to teach a course on neurodivergent leadership and inclusion.  

One thing that occurred to me in this discernment process is that there are gatekeepers who hold bigoted views about autism and do not recognize the validity of self-assessment. They might try to discredit my status in the community by saying that I hadn’t jumped through procedural hoops and shelled out thousands of dollars to get “officially diagnosed.” So, since I have the amazing luck of knowing a competent licensed assessor and have a health insurance plan that will reimburse me for most of the costs, I decided to go ahead and submit myself to the infamous testing process.

While we were at it, I proposed screening for common comorbidities that are included in the DSM-5. I had, for example, always felt a special kinship with ADHD folks, but since I’ve never been someone who has problems with forgetfulness, time-blindness, task initiation, organization, or meeting deadlines, I wasn’t quite sure whether this attraction was simply because of the many similarities between autistic and ADHD brain wiring. I also had become aware that the intrusive thoughts I suffered from growing up and into adulthood met the criteria for OCD, but with all the trauma, guilt, and grief healing work I’ve been doing in recent years, the most distressing and maladaptive thoughts had already dissipated, so I doubted that I still met criteria. (Note that while autism and ADHD are permanent brain wiring differences, OCD is a fancy term for distressing thoughts/anxiety that reach clinical levels, and it can be treated.)

My results are in.  Drum roll please…….   Click here to continue reading

Hello! An Introduction (My first Substack Post)

 For those not on Substack, here is my introductory post:

Hi all! It appears that my favorite online thinkers/writers/creators are moving their conversations over to Substack, so here I am—hopefully only fashionably late to the party. If you are just learning about my existence, “Hi! I’m Taylor.” I have multiple public personas, but lately I’ve been making an effort to defragment my life and give others a chance to get to know the unmasked me.

I am a neuroqueer (monotropic) missiologist, pastor, academic, global nomad, and recovering White savior. I was born and raised in The United Methodist Church (the model pastor’s daughter), such that no matter how much my thinking on matters of theology evolves and oscillates, I will probably forever be ethnically Methodist.

I grew up moving around southern/central Indiana. When I was in middle school (early ‘90s), my late father was invited on a trip to the country now called DR Congo. From that point on, being a faithful friend to his Congoloese colleagues was his hyperfocus, and gradually it became mine too. (That’s the extremely abridged origin story of how I ended up getting ordained in the North Katanga Conference and appointed as executive assistant to the bishop of the North Katanga-Upemba-Tanzania Area.) If you are curious about those adventures and learnings, we wrote a few books about it that have become assigned texts in a number of seminary courses.   Click here to continue reading.

New Location: Substack

 Ya'll, I keep seeing my favorite bloggers/creators move their headquarters over to Substack, so I've decided to move over there too.  Subscribe to never miss a new post, however infrequent they may be:   https://substack.com/@taylordenyer

New publication: The Salvation of The United Methodist Church

 Hi all!  Posting to celebrate my newest published journal article: "The Salvation of The United Methodist Church," found in the 2025 edition of Methodist History.  (If you don't have easy access to the journal, an earlier version of the essay can be found on the 2024 Oxford Institute of Methodist Theological Studies website.)

Taylor

Neuroqueer Theology

 Hi all.  

Jumping back onto this platform to say that ever since reading Dr. Nick Walker's work on neuroqueer theory, my mind has been swirling on the thought that the existence of neuroqueer theory and queer theology suggests that there also is such a thing as neuroqueer theology, and based on my googling, I may be the first person to have had this thought.   

I'm currently in an active discernment process of whether to write and publish a paper(s) or even a book that unpacks my thoughts/learnings on the subject and connect the dots to related subjects.  It might take me awhile, as such a task feels massive and overwhelming at the moment, so I'm seeking out collaborators.

In the meantime, thought I should at least put this post out onto the internet ocean with hopes someone else decides to google "Neuroqueer theology" (to see if anyone else has had this idea) and finds me!!!

Taylor

Neurodivergence and Health Issues

To my fellow neurodivergent friends and their loved ones:

I found this substack article "Female Neurodivergence, It’s Really Not the Same" so helpful that I'm amplifying it here. It attempts to explain the biological reasons why autistic and ADHD women tend to have so many health issues.  

Taylor

Update: Fully Affiliated Faculty/Website Official

Hi Friends,

For those who don't follow me on FB and/or haven't checked-in for awhile, the latest news in my life is that MTSO has made my relationship with them website official by promoting me to Fully Affiliated Faculty status.  What does this change mean for me?  Well, practically speaking, not much has changed in terms of the classes I teach, but being included on the faculty page does make things feel more solid. Plus, the exercise of reviewing my CV and such helped remind me of how far I've come thus far in my professional journey.  Check out my listing!  https://www.mtso.edu/about-mtso/faculty-directory/taylor-walters-denyer/

Naval Academy Wisdom: Fidelity is Up; Obedience is Down

The NA parade belt buckle

To answer the question about what I’m seeing and hearing about current events from my vantage point: Honestly, it is ugly. I cannot express without sounding hyperbolic what would happen if employees obeyed all their new marching orders, but the folks I know who serve on the front lines and have not (yet) had their jobs terminated are being forced to wrestle with their values, their loyalties, and the feeling that they must choose between giving up their careers or their integrity. 

I don’t have to wonder what my late father, the Rev. Dr. Bob Walters would say about this; he often said it when asked, “What’s up?”

 

“Fidelity is up and obedience is down,” he'd respond with a mischievous grin. 

You see, my Dad was a US Naval Academy graduate who later served as a Marine Corps helicopter pilot,* and at the academy their parade belt buckles had the words Fidelity (top) and Obedience (bottom) stamped on them. "Fidelity is up, and obedience is down," they were taught to say. 

Many at the Naval Academy, Dad included, took this memory trick as a life lesson. Sometimes faithfulness to an institution requires disobeying orders that are disloyal to the true purpose of that institution. Dad indoctrinated me in this belief. And, yes, following it did get him (and me) institutionally shunned quite a few times. No regrets about any of those decisions, though. 

Dad gleaned the best parts of his military training and applied them to his missiology. Yes, he was willing to lay down his life to protect the vulnerable, but he was not seeking martyrdom. He taught me that peace and prosperity are built through sacrifice and teamwork; redemption and restorative justice through repentance, love, and solidarity. In our work we will encounter narcissists, tyrants, kleptocrats, and even sociopaths, and the more community building we can accomplish before catching their attention the better our chances of success (Hence he gave the NGO he co-founded the motto “Small footprint: Big Change”). 

 And so my beloved siblings, I’ll close with these words followed by a quote from a sermon Dad preached in 2001: 

Sometimes we leave unethical institutions in order to be part of the struggle; other times we remain in them for the very same reason.  

“Fidelity is up, and obedience is down. Fidelity, faithfulness, genuine loyalty, true love trump blind, stupid obedience every day.” -Bob Walters

*And then he became a United Methodist pastor whose primary gravesite/memorial is in the heart of the DR Congo. Those stories can be found here. 

Matthew 10:16 (NRSVUE) 

“I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."

A priestess in a fitness studio (Cairo, Egypt)

Last week was especially rough on my passport nation, 

My hermitage will also soon host gatherings

and I spent most of it home alone attempting to discern how to respond. Taking my own past advice, I decided to start spending less time in the apartment I call my hermitage and more time interacting with the broader community, starting by supporting healthy initiatives that bring people together. I also resolved to get more stamina-sustaining dopamine in my system through exercise and amusing activities. 

And so, I signed up for an Egyptian classical dance class at a nearby fitness studio. It was not what I was expecting. 

 The moment I walked through the door of the gym, I was greeted by Sohair—a brightly painted woman the age of a village matriarch—who said, “You must be Taylor! I somehow knew it was you!” She opened her arms wide and embraced me, kissed my cheek, looked deeply into my eyes, smiled, and embraced me again. Then she stepped back and, after examining me, selected a coin-covered belt out of her oversized bag and lovingly wrapped it around my waist. 

Our class was relatively small, but I estimated that at least six nationalities and mother tongues were present; Sohair toggled between three languages to make sure everyone felt included. We danced and shimmied to the percussive rhythms of the music, but there was more to it than any dance studio class I had ever attended. Sohair had made it feel both liturgical and liberating. Midway through she had us form a circle and take turns swirling invisible energy with our arms as one by one she invited each woman to dance in the center of the energy pool. Then she had us yell and stomp, and even shout out “Stop!” All this followed by cupping our hands and using them to smack our arms and legs, fully awakening the body. 

As we approached the end of our time together, Sohair had us put our hands on our hearts and lower abdomen and breathe deeply. Then she walked around the room, looked lovingly in the eyes of each woman, and gave us a parting embrace. 

So… did I get a good workout? Eh.. somewhat. Did I improve my dance skills? Umm.. maybe slightly.

Did I leave the gym feeling I had just participated in a sacred act of communal worship? 100% YES.

Diversity. Inclusion. Radical hospitality. Each person’s right to their own bodily autonomy. These values that I found modeled in a gym in Cairo, Egypt, are now explicitly forbidden to be expressed or lived out in all U.S. government workspaces, they are ridiculed by some major media outlets, and they are condemned in the “Christian” nationalist pulpits that heretically preach that God desires an unrepentant s@xual predator and serial embezzler to enact policies that persecute those who were already the most vulnerable among us. Siblings, we are living in pivotal times. 

 

What’s my main point today? In world where values are upside down, let us be more like Sohair. Whatever part of the community we are, let us use our gifts to create glimpses of the Kin-dom of God in the spaces we can directly help shape. Yes, we never stop resisting injustice and violence, AND we keep nourishing each other through defiantly declaring that Hate will never overpower the Kin-dom of Love.

An excerpt from this Sunday’s lectionary text: 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 (NRSVUE) 

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. … 27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 28 And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then deeds of power, then gifts of healing, forms of assistance, forms of leadership, various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work powerful deeds? 30 Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But strive for the greater gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way.

Next Steps: A Nov 6, 2024 reflection

 As a child I used to wonder how heartless megalomaniacs amassed hoards of followers and were able to commit crimes against humanity without accountability. (I obsessed over this question from my tweens until adulthood) Sadly, I no longer wonder, for I have witnessed it occur many times in my lifetime, including in the nation where I was born, the United States of America. 

The USA was built on a foundation of genocide, enslavement, oppression, and winner-take-all individualism. Instead of facing this truth, our nation covered it with a transparent cloak of "white respectability" and "Christian" nationalism. And, despite generations of resistance movements calling for repentance and restorative justice, the foundation remains unchanged. I have known this to be true for as far back as I can remember, and thus I have never felt safe in my own country, especially not where I grew up in Indiana. That said, attempts to move to the mythical nation that has taken accountability for its sins has proven to be a fool's mission. 

To those waking up to these truths today, I am so sorry. To those especially vulnerable and are being told you are over-reacting or being paranoid, know that you are NOT delusional; the danger is real, and things will get worse before they get better (if we live to see that day).

So now what?  

Step 1: Figure out a way to stabilize your nervous system. Otherwise, the stress alone could kill you. Slow breathing, nature walks, exercise, music, and prescription anti-anxiety meds can help (please don't turn to dangerous substances to go numb). If you need to weep and tear your clothes to release your laments, do it. Remember, the danger is not something you can fight or flight your way out of (although, if you do have the financial means, I won’t judge if you relocate to a relatively safer locale). Survival and self-care—including rest and laughter—is itself an important part of resistance.     

Step 2: Use your stabilized nervous system to be a co-regulating force for those struggling to stabilize theirs. To be clear: I’m talking about addressing the physiological reaction bodies are having due to the knowledge that they and people they love are in danger. Do NOT make promises you cannot keep or declarations that are merely wishful thinking.  Do NOT say things like “It is going to be ok.” We both know that, for the most vulnerable among us, it is going to be hell. 

Step 3: Gather your people. Remember that wherever two or three (or more) are gathered to commune with Divine Love, Divine Love will be there among them. Build the bubbles—the Kin-doms of Love on Earth—that the scared and hurting need to survive. 

Step 4: Remember that you are not the first, nor will you be the last to face the ravenous spirits of bigotry and cruelty. Resist the toxic superhero narratives. Your job is not to save the world; it is to model a Love and Peace-filled way to live in it. If this means you need to retreat from society for some time to regroup and recenter, do that. There is intrinsic value in monastic living and being in harmony with nature.  If this means spending more time with your favorite people and/or building more social groups where vulnerable people are safe to unmask, do that. If this means using your talents to add more love and beauty and pathways to healing to the world, do that. 

Step 5: When you have (re)found your inner strength, (re)engage with established organizations working to change cruel laws and unjust practices. 

Finally, for the United Methodists reading this, remember your baptismal vows to "resist evil, injustice, and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves."

With Love from afar,

Taylor